Are you often quick to get angry or find that you’re always involved in an altercation or argument? Yes, anger is certainly a normal emotion to have, however, when it becomes out of control there can be serious penalties involved. Uncontrolled anger can affect your health, your personal and professional relationships, and your peace of mind. However, by first learning why you get angry and utilizing anger management tools, you too can learn to get control of your life again.
Understanding Your Anger
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” ― Gautama Buddha
It is important to keep reminding you that to feel angry is not a bad thing at all. It is completely normal from start to finish. The good or bad thing is how you act out your anger. When your anger hurts others, then it is a problem that needs to be resolved. You might feel as if there is no way for you to control this emotion, but the truth is that there are several techniques that can help you in controlling your anger. When you learn how to constructively handle your anger, you will feel much better, and so will everyone around you.
The Importance of Controlling Your Anger
Do you feel that it is healthy to vent your anger and that everyone else is too sensitive? Or many you feel as if reacting in anger is the only way to gain respect and control over a situation? Whatever your justifications are for reacting negatively, they are false. The truth of the matter is that uncontrolled anger can seriously affect your relationships, change other’s opinion about you, and get in the way of you succeeding. Here are some other reasons that anger management is a necessity:
• Your physical health can deteriorate. Those who react in anger constantly are known to increase their stress levels and put themselves at risk for high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease and more.
• Your mental health can be affected. When constantly angry it can begin to cloud your thought process which makes it much more difficult to focus. Anger also makes it complicated for you to enjoy life.
• Your career could be affected. A person that is always lashing out at others in the workplace creates a very hostile working environment. Failure to control your anger could resort in you being fired.
• Your personal relationships can be affected. Intense anger can make it very hard for others to feel like they can trust you. They begin to feel uncomfortable being around you and thus isolate themselves.
Learn Why You’re Angry
If your anger is spinning out of control your first concern should be where it’s all coming from. While anger is a healthy emotion, the reactions are generally a learned behavior stemming back from childhood. If you’ve ever been witness to loved ones screaming, fighting, or harming each other, you begin to believe that is the best way to get your point across. Other factors could be a traumatic experience or increased levels of stress.
Anger has been known to be the cover up for other feelings you have. If you find that you’re immediate response to everything is anger, chances are this is a cover up. Thus you will need to ask yourself what your true feelings are so that you can learn to deal with them. Here are some signs that what you’re feeling is more than anger:
• You’re not quick to compromise – If you find it hard to consider another point of view, or you believe that your anger is a way to get what you want, then compromising may be a difficult task for you to do appropriately. Compromising in your mind is a sign of vulnerability or weakness.
• You have difficulty expressing other emotions – Some people believe that they are in control of everything and that certain feelings do not pertain to them. The truth of the matter is that everyone has emotions whether they like it or not.
• You view other people’s opinions as a challenge – Do you feel that you are right at all times and someone saying otherwise is a challenge to your intelligence? Those who have a strong desire to be in control are quick to get angry when others don’t see things their way.
If any of these sounds like you, it may be time to get in touch with your feelings. By being emotionally aware you are better able to understand what’s going on and deal with it accordingly.
Personal Warning Signs and Triggers of Anger
Many who are quick to anger feel as if there is no warning and no way of controlling it. Truth is that there are some warning signs that your body will give you to let you know. Your body responds to anger in an intense way. The angrier you become, the more your body will go into overdrive mode. Not everyone will react the same to anger which is why it is important to learn your personal triggers and warning signs so that you can learn to better manage your anger. Common physical signs that anger is coming are:
• The urge to move around
• Difficulty concentrating
• Rapid heart rate
• Tense shoulders
• Headaches
• Increased breathing
• Knots in the stomach
Learning Negative Thought Patterns
“Do not let your anger lead to hatred, as you will hurt yourself more than you would the other.” – Stephen Richards
It would be a safe assumption to say that most people believe that you get angry based on the actions of another person. However, anger is generated by your perception of how a person acts. Therefore, in order to stop the pattern, you need to first figure out how you perceive things. Some negative thinking patterns that can trigger anger are:
• Over-generalization – this is the act of exaggerating what might be the truth, for instance the belief that “No one respects you” is putting everyone into one category.
• The Need to be Right – Many focus too much on what is supposed to happen and become frustrated when what they thought “must” happen didn’t actual come true.
• Jumping to conclusions – When someone assumes they know what someone else’s intentions were.
• Build up – Another common trigger is allowing small negative things to build up over time which creates a reason to get angry and explode.
• Blaming – Making everything that goes wrong someone else’s fault and never taking full responsibility.
Avoiding Your Triggers
It may be necessary to avoid people, places, or situations that get you angry until you’re better prepared to handle your anger the right way.
Learning to Cool Off
Sometimes you can’t avoid a situation that gets you angry and therefore you will need to learn how to cool off and approach the matter differently. Here are some quick tips on how to cool off and reevaluate things:
• Take a few deep breaths
• Get away from the situation by taking a walk
• Utilize your senses by listening to a calming song, or looking at pictures that bring about positive thoughts
• Stretch or massage the areas that are tense such as your shoulders or neck
• Count backwards from ten
• Give yourself a reality check by dissecting the situations and determining if they are worth the negative energy you give off.
Knowing When to Seek Professional Help
If after learning healthier ways to deal with your anger, you still find it hard to control, it might be best to talk with a professional so that they can teach you more anger management techniques. You don’t want to wait until your anger gets you in trouble with the law or at your place of employment. Seek a therapist, attend group meetings, and find other programs that specialize in anger management.
If your loved one has an anger problem, you don’t have to feel as if you’re walking on eggshells to keep them calm. You should first keep in mind that you’re not to blame for their actions and never provide them with an excuse for their behavior. While you can’t control how they act, you can control the way you cope with it. Some ideas would include:
• Set boundaries so they know what is acceptable
• Allow time to pass before addressing the matter
• Walk away from the situation if it gets heated
• Consider therapy options for yourself
As much as we’d like to force our loved ones to get help this is not something you can do. However, when they are ready, just make sure that they know you are there for them through it all.
Resources
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