Today’s headlines often bring to us news about tragedies and disasters. These events bring the sudden loss of a loved one to a family. It is never expected and never planned. Even those not directly involved can be left with a sense of fear and helplessness. There are ways that can help us get through these moments. Although we will never forget, with time and compassion we can eventually move forward in hope.
Stages of Grief
After tragedy, there is a flood of emotions that are often difficult to understand. Although every case is unique, there is usually a process to grieving. Here are the stages that someone suffering from tragic loss typically experiences:
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• Numbness, shock and denial: When the news first hits, there is sometimes a sense of unreality. You don’t know how to react as the news is just too strong. People are not accustomed to tragedy on a frequent basis so it takes time to sink in. After this phase you can end up in denial, refusing to accept what has happened.
• Bargaining: In this stage you think over and over again about how things could have been prevented. Sometimes feelings of guilt appear which are important to resolve.
• Depression: This is a stage when there is little interest in life or little motivation to do things. You can have sleep and appetite problems. You might even have thoughts of suicide. If this is the case it is important to contact a mental health professional right away.
• Anger: Sometimes you get angry. You place blame and may even desire revenge or restitution. You might even become resentful feeling that the lost one has abandoned you.
• Acceptance: After time, you begin to accept and understand what has happened. This experience, although painful, becomes part of your life story.
These stages are usually not clearly defined. This means that you can pass between different stages at different times. Even once you have accepted a loss you might have recurring feelings of anger, guilt or depression.
How to Cope
Here are some ways that you can deal with your loss. Remember it takes time and the support of others.
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• Talk: First of all, it is important to talk. Feelings should not be kept inside for too long. There is sometimes a need for quiet and reflection, but sharing with others helps you process things in a healthy way. Don’t deny your feelings. Acknowledge them and name them. Sometimes writing in a journal helps. Let your grief and frustration out. You might cry a lot, and this is part of your healing process.
• Listen: On the other hand you can listen. Others are suffering too, and your presence can make a big difference. This sharing helps everyone move through the proper stages of grief.
• Reach Out: There are many people who can help you get through a tragic loss. You might want to contact your local church or other support group. Many people are out there who are waiting to assist you.
• Ask for help: If you feel overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to ask for help from family, friends and neighbors. Also you can seek the counseling of a psychologist.
• Maintain a schedule: Even thought it might be difficult, you should try to get back to your usual home and work schedule as soon as possible. This helps avoid excessive thinking about your loss which could be unhealthy and lead to depression.
• Avoid drugs or alcohol: You might be tempted to reach for a drink to numb the pain, but this only masks the pain and makes things more difficult later.
• Tap into your spirituality: In moments of tragic loss we think profoundly about suffering and death. This is a chance to find meaning in your faith. This helps you heal and find hope again.
When to get Professional Help
If your grief is very severe or overwhelming, you should ask for professional advice. Also, if the feelings worsen or don’t get better after a few weeks, you might want to call a psychologist or physician. Finally, if you have thoughts of death or suicide you should call a doctor immediately.
Summary
Tragedy and sudden loss are never easy to cope with. Your world has been changed forever. The grieving process can be made easier by good communication and support. Reach out and open up. With time, you can heal and find meaning to your loss.
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